Workin'

A year has passed since I lost my job, for the moment I'm still unemployed. Feels like crap, believe  me.
People always have this image of "unemployement ", lazy, not searching enough, not adding something to society...
From the first moment untill now, I'm active searching for a new job, the number of cover letters I've send is uncountable (probably 100 or more), I had the luck of going on an interview for like 10 times max. I've lost my patience a 100 times and more, I've lost my happiness along the way, I've cried a million times stating 'why am I never good enough'.
For the moment, I'm still searching, every interview I hear the same "there are 150 other people..." I immediately go like, ' fuck this shit, somebody will be better, more experienced, not pierced or dressed like a nun'.
I'm always afraid of the future, my view on it 'I have no future'. If I even find a job, it will be something crappy. I want to find my lucky clover, just start on Monday and go on forever...
I don't see myself working in a factory, packing lipsticks every minute of the day,.. is it my fault that I'm still unemployed....probably. I don't really want to think about it, but can't stop thinking about it!
Happiness, I've lost it, found it again, lost it, took pills to keep it....
Someday, someday it will fall all into places, but for the moment, I'm scared!